I am a seeker. A curious, passionate, opinionated, hopeful seeker. To quiet my brain from seeking is almost an impossibility. Whether it is seeking to understand the truth, seeking whether to go ‘left or right,’ seeking adventure, seeking change, seeking calmness, seeking sunshine, seeking the ‘why’ behind an action…I am a seeker.

Most of the seeking I do these days involves internal reflection, as well as reflection on those in my inner circle, those who are in my professional network, those who throw stones, and the complete strangers I interact with daily.

I have learned, and candidly some days are far better than others, that inner seeking is where energy must be placed…that is the gold. The woman I reflect upon and seek to understand is where it all starts. The more I seek to understand myself, my traumas and how I can use what I learn to be a better human every morning I wake up, the stronger, more powerful and more beautiful I become…to me.

I seek to understand those who are my village. That show up and continue to through all the chapters of life. That challenge me to face hard truths. That provide insights I may not always appreciate or understand at the time, yet have depth behind them as time has unfolded. That do the small things that matter. Their care and love they give to me, and that I intentionally give my energy to in return, draws me to seek to ‘un-peel the onion’ so that I know how to grow, evolve and provide to them better. I seek out understanding their fabric better as it is through those actions where our binds are able to deepen and trusted foundations are built…which makes life so brilliantly beautiful.

I seek to understand those that I professionally I cross paths with as I am always fascinated by the journey of an individual. Our stories are all unique. I am the first to raise my hand and tell you there is nothing about my journey that one would have scripted…my close circle likes to often remind me of how ‘crazy or strong or resilient’ I am because of my story and the choices I have made to get to where I am today. I am also the first to tell you I absolutely have opinions (welcome to being human) and continue to work on judging less and seeking to understand more. I seek to understand those that want to cast stones, speak behind backs, form opinions on unknown facts, and don’t live actions with the words they speak. Trust me…I am to blame in being one that has done these things in the past and have faced truths to realize seeking is a better recipe than any other. And if I do not want to seek, then for me, that means that energy needs not to be wasted or used with those individuals.

I seek to understand strangers. Strangers that give a smile or ‘hello’ just because. Strangers that act rudely without cause. Strangers that are silent yet have an energy which turns your head. I seek to understand what makes people tick because I believe it to be on of the most interesting parts of creation…humans. My curious nature could probably sit and people watch on a bench all day seeking to understand…if I had patience enough to do so…(but we aren’t speaking of patience…a later blog on that…)

In the past 5 years I have chosen to leverage the gifts presented to me to seek…to seek out who MHW needed to be…to seek how to make hard choices which didn’t have to be made but I knew would create magic in ways that needed to occur…to seek to let go of those who chose to not seek to understand me anymore…and to seek creating what worked for me, and my family, not what society told me needed to be done. It is an interesting, perplexing, beyond challenging, and powerful gift to be given the opportunity to capture…to become a SEEKER. My life unfolded in ways I could have never imagined and I will never forget the day when it all came to that look in the mirror and I knew I had to go seek…as hard and challenging and beautifully complex as it the journey has been…and continues to be…

There is a radical acceptance that must take place to want to be a seeker. I believe it starts with accepting our cracks, our broken pieces, our traumas and failures…it starts with understanding blueprints we thought we must follow yet are preventing us from living our truth. When we have those people, things, obligations, and demands in our life that suck our energy…seeking our truth is beyond impossible. These distractions make us veer from our truth, because let’s face it, accepting our story, who we are, what we want and choices we must make to get there…is HARD. It means most around us won’t understand, because they will fail to seek. It means we will lose some we thought we never would. It means we have to transform, which is uncomfortable. It means we have to admit failure and show vulnerability…eek!

I have learned in these past 5 years, over many trials and facing the reality I may not have tomorrow three times…that accepting my story is not only okay, it is my truth. Accepting my story meant I had to become transparent with those who asked…that transparency required me to become vulnerable in avenues that scared me. It opened me up to hurt, to love, it opened me up to criticism, to adventure and change…it opened me up to some of the hardest moments I have faced. And yet the beautiful part of that is has allowed me to become my most authentic self to date. I am grounded in who I am, knowing where my strengths reside and knowing what I work on everyday to be a better human around. I am a beautifully imperfect human…who wishes and seeks perfection…yet understands perfection is never achieved. Understanding my core-truth engages me to know where my boundaries must reside, what my non-negotiables are, where to channel energy to moving forward, and why showing up with the grace, faith and love is so damn important to me…while I may never receive it back how I want…I know what I want and showing that to others is a gift I am beyond grateful to have and give away. Oh…and hope…having hope is a must…every, single, damn, day. I won’t let anything or anyone take away my hope…even if my hope seems silly, I would rather have it than none at all.

My wish for today…and always…especially for my boys and those I call my ‘circle of trust’…is that we continue to be seekers. Seek to understand the barista you get your coffee from in the morning. Seek to understand something you disagree with. Seek to swallow your pride, apologize and start a-new with someone you believe your life would be better if you had their energy around. Seek to face your fear and invite hope and magic in. Seek to try. Seek to fail. Most of all, wake up every damn day and seek to understand yourself and your real truth.

I have hope that I will never stop seeking to be the best version of me. That I will never stop seeking to give grace and love to those who I love and care for. And that I will continue to do better about seeking to understand those who I don’t agree with or like, because that will make me a better human, leader, mother, friend, daughter, sister and better ME.

I leave you with this thought…

Sunflowers follow the sun’s light…and when there are clouds they turn towards each other to share their energy…What if we sought to be more ‘sunflowers’ every day…???

…you never know the art of possible until you try…